Do it for the team
As many of you will have noticed, Buddhism, especially Theravada/Southern Buddhism, is very fond of lists. Now, my favourite bit of one of my favourite lists is the Second Noble Truth – our dissatisfaction is caused by not getting what we want.
If I believed that reading facebook quotes genuinely helped people, this is probably the one I would post first.
The reason I don’t post quotes, of course, is that however much the reader likes the sound of the wisdom, they still have to follow through and do the hard work if they want lasting results rather than a temporary buzz. So today I’m going to tell you about one way you can do some hard work on the Second Noble Truth.
Is anyone still reading? ;-)
I hope so, because of course, I’m a coach so I’m going to suggest you work “smart” (and painlessly) rather than work “hard”. Add in that I’m fun, lazy and like thinking out of the box, and … well, what Erik’s going to suggest probably won’t be too awful.
Here goes!
In the modern developed West our societies have unfortunately become very focused on individual gratification. So often we’re encouraged to be something, do something, have something - for me me me me ME!
Unfortunately the more we focus on ME, and prioritise the fulfilment of our personal wishes and preferences, the easier it is to think that the world revolves around those wishes and preferences, so that when they don’t get fulfilled, our suffering is the suffering of someone who believes some sort of abnormal injustice has occurred!
Not only that, but one typical side-effect of our attitude of me me ME is that we often build an invisible wall between ourselves and the wider world just outside our bubble. Our relations with others can become more and more transactional (“What’s in it for me?”)
Now, I’m not saying that we’ve all become self-obsessed and socially dysfunctional, but many of us find ourselves a bit disconnected from others as a result of our focus on self.
Not surprisingly, if we find this self-focus doesn’t bring us the happiness that was advertised, we can’t always easily find a viable alternative – since we’ve never been sold one.
So for those who are beginning to feel this sort of dissatisfaction, and especially if you’re also noticing a bit of a sense of social disconnection, here’s a possible solution: Do it for the team.
“But what team are you talking about?” You may be asking.
One of the teams you’re already in!
“What??”
Oh, perhaps you aren’t in a team. OK, then find one, join it, and … do it for the team!
“Do what for the team?”
Doesn’t matter. But whatever it is that you do, do it for the team. So, not for you.
In 2000, I set off for what would become four years focused on my spiritual (primarily Buddhist) path, away from work and home and all that “normal” stuff. In the middle of the four years I came home for a two-year break! (Because focusing on our inner stuff full time is more exhausting than having a busy job and a normal life.) After a short time back I noticed that I was stuck in the me me ME habit, and (of course) that it wasn’t making me happy, so ...
One day, I went out and got myself a team, in this case, a choir! We sang classical churchy music, so no “Look at me!” jazz improvisation, and no solos (we got professionals for that on concert day.) Just singing the notes on the paper in front of me, at the speed and volume I was told to, to the absolute best of my ability that day, the same as the other guys around me (in those days, the tenors) - a team within a team. At the same time three other mini-teams were also singing their music, all to produce the – amazingly beautiful - complete blended sound of, for example, Mozart’s Requiem. Could I listen to the concert recording afterwards and find my voice? Of course not. Was I necessary, irreplaceable, … important? No. But the team needed somebody, and I turned up every Saturday afternoon and was one of those “somebodies”.
I find that doing this is a very beneficial corrective to the constant focus on, and prioritising of, me me ME. So 20 years later I’m now on my fourth choir, in a different country, singing bass on Tuesday evenings, but still very much doing it for the team.
So could you join a team where you can relax into relative anonymity, where the goal of what you’re doing isn’t about you?
Some teams last for years if you want them to. Some are much shorter; recently I spent a few days helping build the wall of a stupa (shrine building) in Portugal. My part in the team was officially to sort rocks in a leisurely way and pass them to the monk doing the actual building, but I found that what I was most needed for was really just to be there so that he felt more motivated and enjoyed doing the work more.
Sometimes our place in the team can be delightfully small!
If I believed that reading facebook quotes genuinely helped people, this is probably the one I would post first.
The reason I don’t post quotes, of course, is that however much the reader likes the sound of the wisdom, they still have to follow through and do the hard work if they want lasting results rather than a temporary buzz. So today I’m going to tell you about one way you can do some hard work on the Second Noble Truth.
Is anyone still reading? ;-)
I hope so, because of course, I’m a coach so I’m going to suggest you work “smart” (and painlessly) rather than work “hard”. Add in that I’m fun, lazy and like thinking out of the box, and … well, what Erik’s going to suggest probably won’t be too awful.
Here goes!
In the modern developed West our societies have unfortunately become very focused on individual gratification. So often we’re encouraged to be something, do something, have something - for me me me me ME!
Unfortunately the more we focus on ME, and prioritise the fulfilment of our personal wishes and preferences, the easier it is to think that the world revolves around those wishes and preferences, so that when they don’t get fulfilled, our suffering is the suffering of someone who believes some sort of abnormal injustice has occurred!
Not only that, but one typical side-effect of our attitude of me me ME is that we often build an invisible wall between ourselves and the wider world just outside our bubble. Our relations with others can become more and more transactional (“What’s in it for me?”)
Now, I’m not saying that we’ve all become self-obsessed and socially dysfunctional, but many of us find ourselves a bit disconnected from others as a result of our focus on self.
Not surprisingly, if we find this self-focus doesn’t bring us the happiness that was advertised, we can’t always easily find a viable alternative – since we’ve never been sold one.
So for those who are beginning to feel this sort of dissatisfaction, and especially if you’re also noticing a bit of a sense of social disconnection, here’s a possible solution: Do it for the team.
“But what team are you talking about?” You may be asking.
One of the teams you’re already in!
“What??”
Oh, perhaps you aren’t in a team. OK, then find one, join it, and … do it for the team!
“Do what for the team?”
Doesn’t matter. But whatever it is that you do, do it for the team. So, not for you.
In 2000, I set off for what would become four years focused on my spiritual (primarily Buddhist) path, away from work and home and all that “normal” stuff. In the middle of the four years I came home for a two-year break! (Because focusing on our inner stuff full time is more exhausting than having a busy job and a normal life.) After a short time back I noticed that I was stuck in the me me ME habit, and (of course) that it wasn’t making me happy, so ...
One day, I went out and got myself a team, in this case, a choir! We sang classical churchy music, so no “Look at me!” jazz improvisation, and no solos (we got professionals for that on concert day.) Just singing the notes on the paper in front of me, at the speed and volume I was told to, to the absolute best of my ability that day, the same as the other guys around me (in those days, the tenors) - a team within a team. At the same time three other mini-teams were also singing their music, all to produce the – amazingly beautiful - complete blended sound of, for example, Mozart’s Requiem. Could I listen to the concert recording afterwards and find my voice? Of course not. Was I necessary, irreplaceable, … important? No. But the team needed somebody, and I turned up every Saturday afternoon and was one of those “somebodies”.
I find that doing this is a very beneficial corrective to the constant focus on, and prioritising of, me me ME. So 20 years later I’m now on my fourth choir, in a different country, singing bass on Tuesday evenings, but still very much doing it for the team.
So could you join a team where you can relax into relative anonymity, where the goal of what you’re doing isn’t about you?
Some teams last for years if you want them to. Some are much shorter; recently I spent a few days helping build the wall of a stupa (shrine building) in Portugal. My part in the team was officially to sort rocks in a leisurely way and pass them to the monk doing the actual building, but I found that what I was most needed for was really just to be there so that he felt more motivated and enjoyed doing the work more.
Sometimes our place in the team can be delightfully small!