Retreating
For those of us who are Buddhists, and for many who aren’t, meditation is typically a big part of our lives, whether it’s something we do regularly, or something we feel we ought to be doing :-)
I will leave it to those who have a clockwork daily practice to tell you the enormous value of meditating every day, because although I totally believe them, I’m not actually that person myself.
So instead I’ll talk to you today about something I really have incorporated into my life: retreating.
For many people the idea of going on a retreat, especially a silent retreat, is scary. “Oh I couldn’t stop talking for 10 (or 5, or even 2) days,” they say, but the good news for those of you who haven’t done it is: not only will you be able to do it, but it will be easy, and actually, you’ll love it!
However, there’s a reason why most meditation retreats are held in silence. And that is because one of the main aims of a retreat is to take us away from our everyday distractions so that we see … our minds. For many new retreatants, I suspect, that is going to be a bigger shock to the system than not speaking. Without the chance to let off steam by spewing forth the contents of our heads in speech, or to escape by listening to others, reading books and newspapers, or surrendering to the loving embrace of our dear frenemy the internet, the contents of our minds is pretty much all we have left to observe. The prize for putting ourselves through all this is very much worth it, though; it gives us a clearer understanding of what’s really going on inside us, and also (with a bit of persistence) nourishes acceptance and letting go, forgiveness of self and others, gratitude and joy. This adds up to creating a whole new relationship with ourselves and with the world.
Of course this happens, to a degree, in our 10-/20-/2x60-minute daily meditation practice, but when we go on a retreat we have volunteered for the fast track - there really is no escape in sight! We are stuck with observing the whole internal menagerie hour after hour, day after day, and there’s no denying that that can be very hard work. But rewarding? Absolutely!
Now that’s all very well, you may be saying, but I can’t just pop round the corner to a conveniently-located retreat centre or jump on a plane. Time, money, etc., etc. are real constraints for many (as are excuses, by the way). But for most people, a Retreat Day (yes, it deserves capitals!) is definitely possible – in their own home. Even if you live with others, you can check out of their lives for a day. With a bit of planning most single mums can park kids with their best friends from breakfast to dinner time, and the rest of us should really be able to make it through from waking up till going to bed. “Oh but I’ll feel I’m neglecting others,” you may be saying, but in your heart of hearts you know that “others” will mostly be completely fine, and after you’ve retreated for a day they’ll get to enjoy a calmer, happier, more grounded (subtext: nicer) you, so if necessary, do it for them, not despite them :-)
My new favourite place to do meditation retreats is at the Retreat Centre attached to Amaravati, a Theravada (old school/Thai forest tradition) Buddhist monastery in the UK. One of the cups in the dining hall there bears the amusing but wise slogan, “Meditation – it’s better than sitting round doing nothing.” It’s also usually a better step than running round like the headless chicken that often takes over our everyday lives, and giving the chicken a well-deserved break by going on a retreat is a precious gift to ourselves.
I will leave it to those who have a clockwork daily practice to tell you the enormous value of meditating every day, because although I totally believe them, I’m not actually that person myself.
So instead I’ll talk to you today about something I really have incorporated into my life: retreating.
For many people the idea of going on a retreat, especially a silent retreat, is scary. “Oh I couldn’t stop talking for 10 (or 5, or even 2) days,” they say, but the good news for those of you who haven’t done it is: not only will you be able to do it, but it will be easy, and actually, you’ll love it!
However, there’s a reason why most meditation retreats are held in silence. And that is because one of the main aims of a retreat is to take us away from our everyday distractions so that we see … our minds. For many new retreatants, I suspect, that is going to be a bigger shock to the system than not speaking. Without the chance to let off steam by spewing forth the contents of our heads in speech, or to escape by listening to others, reading books and newspapers, or surrendering to the loving embrace of our dear frenemy the internet, the contents of our minds is pretty much all we have left to observe. The prize for putting ourselves through all this is very much worth it, though; it gives us a clearer understanding of what’s really going on inside us, and also (with a bit of persistence) nourishes acceptance and letting go, forgiveness of self and others, gratitude and joy. This adds up to creating a whole new relationship with ourselves and with the world.
Of course this happens, to a degree, in our 10-/20-/2x60-minute daily meditation practice, but when we go on a retreat we have volunteered for the fast track - there really is no escape in sight! We are stuck with observing the whole internal menagerie hour after hour, day after day, and there’s no denying that that can be very hard work. But rewarding? Absolutely!
Now that’s all very well, you may be saying, but I can’t just pop round the corner to a conveniently-located retreat centre or jump on a plane. Time, money, etc., etc. are real constraints for many (as are excuses, by the way). But for most people, a Retreat Day (yes, it deserves capitals!) is definitely possible – in their own home. Even if you live with others, you can check out of their lives for a day. With a bit of planning most single mums can park kids with their best friends from breakfast to dinner time, and the rest of us should really be able to make it through from waking up till going to bed. “Oh but I’ll feel I’m neglecting others,” you may be saying, but in your heart of hearts you know that “others” will mostly be completely fine, and after you’ve retreated for a day they’ll get to enjoy a calmer, happier, more grounded (subtext: nicer) you, so if necessary, do it for them, not despite them :-)
My new favourite place to do meditation retreats is at the Retreat Centre attached to Amaravati, a Theravada (old school/Thai forest tradition) Buddhist monastery in the UK. One of the cups in the dining hall there bears the amusing but wise slogan, “Meditation – it’s better than sitting round doing nothing.” It’s also usually a better step than running round like the headless chicken that often takes over our everyday lives, and giving the chicken a well-deserved break by going on a retreat is a precious gift to ourselves.